Castle wrote: I take offense when kilts are referred to as "skirts". I just don't know if most of them have pockets.
Traditional kilts do not. A sporran, which is like a pouch, is worn instead. But many modernized kilts (pioneered especially by Utilikilts, who everyone else pretty much ripped off) frequently do have pockets. I've got a traditional wool kilt, without pockets, and a Practikilt (a cheap Utilikilt knockoff) with pockets. What I don't have is a cell phone.
Corvus Kulde was excited and in a hurry. He was on his way to the local casting office, where he was all set to audition for the role of Simon Pegg's little brother in the Shaun of the Dead
sequel! He was moving so quickly, he barely noticed Castle's body lying in the gutter, breathing it's last breaths from Tuberculosis-ridden lungs. In fact, Corvus was so happy, he started skipping like a schoolgirl (and giggling like one too)!
When he arrived at the office, he was delighted to meet, in the flesh, Mr. Simon Pegg, AND Mr. Nick Frost, with whom he'd be reading lines.
"Right," said Pegg, "Now, in this scene, what happens is, you fall asleep on the couch, and Zombie Ed accidentally sits on your face. So let's give it a go!"
Reluctantly, Corvus stretched out on the couch, but he jumped up when he noticed Nick Frost unbuckling his belt. "Hey, what the hell?!?" he cried. "Why are you taking off your pants?!?"
"Well, Zombie Ed doesn't wear trousers, does he?" asked Frost, in a tone that clearly suggested the level of unprofessionalism coming from Corvus was quite unacceptable.
Corvus, who didn't want his chance to make it big in the British film industry to go out the window, decided to just go with the flow. So he reluctantly laid back down on the couch, while Frost got naked from the waist down. The last thing Corvus Kulde saw was Nick Frost's huge, white, hairy, poorly-wiped buttcheeks descending towards his face, and then the blackness and stench consumed him. He writhed and flopped under Frost's enormous bottom, but it was to no avail. Trying desperately to fill his collapsing lungs with air, Corvus succeeded only in swallowing a noxious cloud of fart-gas, as Nick Frost, still in character as Zombie Ed, let rip a shattering blast that rattled the windows and set off car alarms on the street outside. After an agonizing ninety seconds that seemed to last an eternity, Corvus Kulde died.
He did not get the part.