Ben Affleck invites you out for a bowl of chowdah, and it's wicked haaadcoaar, that chowdah. Then the two of you knoack back some Sam Adams, which does noat sit well with the chowdah. You throw up all ovah Ben Affleck's shirt, which cahst a foatune, so he makes you roab a bank to pay him back. The security gaahd at the bank tazes you, and your haaat stoaps beating. Then yah dead.
You sound exactly like my brother. I sound a little less braying myself.
Andy, you leave on an Alaskan cruise in hopes of escaping the heat. The only ticket you could get on such short notice is in the lowest bowels of the ship. While up on deck, getting some refreshing air, you spot an incredibly beautiful woman from first class who pretends to ignore you. That night she tries to kill herself by jumping of the back of the ship and you attempt to stop her. After offering to draw her naked she is even more depressed and jumps away. Some people claim you pushed her and you're beaten to death with billy clubs by the ship security.
'All the water's dead. All of it. And the taps don't work either.'